2018 was another banner year for animal crime.
From the horse who broke into a bar to the admirable dog who conned her way into free McDonald’s, the scammer spirit was strong in the animal community (mostly in the interest of food). A few animals even got arrested, although none of them quite measure up to 2016’s pelican in a cop car.
A few of this year’s most notable offenders:
When two cats sprinted into an industrial kitchen in South Africa last month, one of the workers was scared enough to leap onto a counter for safety. Bad cats, bad cats.
This otter evaded capture for weeks after eating 10 fish from a koi pond in Vancouver. Dude, just find somewhere else to fish.
Bungle was detailed after biting a police officer on a street in Towcester, UK. Luckily, he’s so cute that a fairly large social media campaign in his favor emerged. Now, he is free and with his family once more.
Who are we kidding? We love these otters who interrupted an engagement. Thankfully, so did the couple.
Smoke the turkey evaded capture from police until he eventually received an honorary mayorship. A politician through and through!
Please, no one ever teach this cat about personal space.
Charlie, a 120-pound Rottweiler-mix, was sitting in the front seat of the car when he got his foot caught in the trigger of Gilligan’s gun, accidentally shooting a round into his owner, Tex Harold Gilligan. The man suffered three broken ribs, a punctured lung, and a broken scapula, but he still forgave Charlie. Now that’s a friendship.
One of our personal heroes, Princess the dog, spent her October posted up outside a local McDonald’s. People assumed she was a stray, felt bad for her, and fed her hamburgers — but she actually has an owner and a comfortable home.
“If you see my dog @ the McDonald’s on shields, quit feeding her fat ass,” her owner wrote on Facebook. “She’s just a gold diggin ass bitch that be acting like she’s a stray so people will feel bad for her & feed her burgers.”
Is there anything more satisfying than watching an escaped racehorse absolutely destroy a French betting bar? No, there is not.
This penguin is just a good, old-fashioned asshole. The best kind!
In September, wedding planner Jenny Serwylo woke up in the middle of the night to find that three raccoons had broken into her kitchen. She was able to fend two of them off with a broom, but one remained — and ate an English muffin while making direct eye contact with her.
A beach in the north of France was forced to close when a horny dolphin named Zafar wouldn’t stop harassing visitors. We’ll say it: This dolphin was too horny.
The London Fire Brigade stepped in to rescue Jessie, a parrot who’d gotten stranded on a roof. But when rescuers reached the bird, she greeted them with a loud “Fuck off!” She also said, “I love you,” though, so it all evens out.
Desperate for low-impact exercise, this deer snuck into a family pool in New Jersey to swim a few laps. When it was discovered by local police, it took a few moments to lounge poolside then sprinted into the woods, presumably to find a better place to work out.
A very soft-looking pug named Bean was captured by police in July after trespassing on private property. Luckily, she was reunited with her owner quickly.
In June, a kangaroo delayed a match between two Australian soccer teams when it hopped onto the field and stood in front of the goal. Who knows? Maybe it would have been a really good player. Give it a chance!
What else is there to say? This dog ate through the wall and insulation behind a dryer, then got her head stuck in the dryer vent. (Don’t worry; she’s OK now.)
Who among us?
This dog was placed in the back of a police car after running away from home, then attacking a deer.
“He’s a good boy,” his owner wrote. “He just hates deer.” Understandable.